


Minecraft Shrek AU no one asked for

by GentlemanPigeon



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: CaptainSparklez too good for this world, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I apologize to all the CaptainSparklez fans, IMSORRY, Inspired by Shrek (Movies), Minecraft, OOC, Oneshot, Or Is It?, Potato war, Prequel, Shrek AU, TechnoBlade, Technoblade doesn't do well in social settings, king!CaptainSparklez, minecraft youtubers - Freeform, piglin - Freeform, prince!Technoblade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlemanPigeon/pseuds/GentlemanPigeon
Summary: Technoblade is a prince of the kingdom far far away but gets banished for bad behavior.Will anyone come to save him or will he choose his own destiny?(I might or might not continue on this story so the uploads will be very inconsistent. Mght include slowburn shipping so tags may change)P.S I didnt edit this sorry
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	1. Pre-story?

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos motivate me  
> Capnoblade

In a kingdom far far away lived a king, his beautiful wife and their only son, prince Technoblade. The rulers wished best for their son and cherished every moment of his childhood but once the prince got older, it was clear the path he was going wasn‘t the best. Prince Technoblade had a lot of flaws: he was vain, selfish, arrogant and rude. His tutors and parents warned the youngster that his actions have consequences but the prince ignored their warnings, continuing being egoistical. The king and the queen knew that their offspring wouldn’t be a ruler they wished so they took it upon themselves to fix their son, even if their methods were “unorthodox” meaning they banished the prince to an abandoned castle in the middle of a volcano, to live in the highest room of the highest tower, protected by a fire breathing dragon. If there was anyone determined to save the spoiled prince, it would be true love. So there the prince was, full of hatred for his parents, in a tower locked away from the rest of the world, waiting for his savior.  
But prince Technoblade knew that his savior would never show up with his noble steed, that he wouldn’t be carried out of the tower by his true love. For this is real life, and fairy tales are for nerds. Not even a year had passed when Technoblade killed the dragon by stabbing it in the heart and escaped the prison his parents forced upon him. No way he is going to return to them, they’d just lock him up in a different tower. 

So he walked.

Walked for days and nights, resting in villages and towns he stumbled upon, observing the townsfolk. He saw how a regular man had little worries, simple problems and a simple life. It was something he belittled them for but now he understood. They didn’t have to worry for being locked up in a tower for acting out of place like was.  
So he settled in one of the villages, became a humble farmer and happily spent the rest of his days farming potatoes. Until a new kid showed up to the village by the nickname of Squid kid. A bright mind and a hardworking young man. Techno took a liking of him, showed him how to farm potatoes productively. He liked being this mentor figure to Squid.  
Until the end of the harvesting season came and Squid had grown more potatoes than him. That’s when their little rivalry, their little “war” began. Soon after they’d be yelling insults to each other across their respectable potato fields, throwing poisonous potatoes at one another and stomping crops. 

One late evening Squid kid returned to his little farm house from a secret place, hiding a secret in his bag. He looked at his front yard a few times if there was anyone looking before shutting the curtains. He pulled a small, diamond shaped bottle containing a magenta colored liquid. He might or might not got it from a witch from the dark roofed forest but that’s not important. He just hopes this will work. Tomorrow will be an important day to the potato war. Squid kid will end this once and for all, proving the pink haired farmer who’s best.  
“Good morning Technoblade, I thought today ‘hey what a nice day!’ and thought we could enjoy this amazing morning with a cup of coffee” Squid exclaimed, holding a tray with two fancy cups of coffee and a bowl for sugar cubes.

“Get off my yard” a deep voice grunted

“Ah, come on, I’m trying to be nice, you bozo” 

“I know you’re up to no good, potato boy” 

“Technoblade please can you be a normal human being and not think about potatoes twenty-four seve-“

The door opens, almost knocking the tray out of Squids hands. He quickly regains his balance, making sure he doesn’t spill anything. Behind the door stands a tall, pink haired man in his farmer overalls holding the door knob and a hoe in the other. He has a frown on his face. Squid kid gulps, looking up to Techno. The man looks intimidating, even with absurdly colored hair. Technoblade raises and eyebrow, still looking down at his rival.

“Are you trying to poison me?” the older one asked, looking at the tray. 

“God what do you think I am? I’m just being a nice neighbor!” Squid said. Oh if only Techno knew the truth... 

“Yeah, whatever” Techno brushed him off as he took the coffee cup from the tray and gulped it all in one go before standing there for a few seconds as he took Squids cup and gulped it down too. He then slammed the door shut, leaving Squid standing. Squid was jumping in excitement inside his head for his plan worked. Now they just need to wait for tomorrow.

Technoblade woke up with a head splitting migraine. It doesn’t make sense why he’s feeling so crappy, all he did was farm potatoes, had lunch, farmed potatoes and then had diner and went to bed. Wait, he did drink Squid’s coffee. That little rascal must’ve put something to make him feel awful so he couldn’t farm potatoes! Well, it’s not stopping him, Techno’s going to farm no matter how bad his headache is. He gets out of the bed to clean his face and looks up only to see not his but a reflection of a hideous beast of a pig. He blinks a few times, rubs his eyes but the beast is still inside his mirror. He raises his arm but instead of fingers he’s met with three pig-like hooves. He moves away from the sink, panic slowly rising inside. The back of his head hits a chandelier, the room feels too small for him. He now can see a full image of him. A huge beast with a snout and two curled fangs. His clothes also changed. Is that a potato sack he’s wearing, tightened by a belt? God, what happened to him? His panic and fear turned to anger, furious anger to Squid. 

There were sounds of glass and pottery chattering, furniture breaking coming from Technoblade’s house. Squid kid was peeking from a bush, his eyes widened when he saw a beast taller than any man with characteristics of a humanized pig walk out with an iron axe in one of his hands. Squid had really messed up for real and no one saw him in the village from that day onward. 

Technoblade spent half of his day looking for Squid kid with a murderous look on his face and an axe in hand. He broke down Squid kids front door, searched every nook and cranny of his house, searched every village house which got him a lot of screaming from villagers, thinking he’s there to eat them. Right, he’s still a walking pig beast. How could he forget? It seemed like Squid kid vanished into thin air and Techno had to stomp back to his house without revenge. He slammed the door behind him so hard it fell out. Yeah, he’s not used to having so much strength. 

He tried farming potatoes, maybe that would calm him down. Expect he can’t handle a hoe properly without any fingers and made a mess from being clumsy in this new body. Great, he can’t even farm now.

So for the rest of the day he sat in front of a mirror, staring blankly into his reflection. His soft pink locks were gone, his face looked droopy and saggy, mouth stuck in a never-ending frown. His fangs made him look beastly and the pig snout didn’t help either. To think that he is a prince of the kingdom far far away. What a joke. He’s not a prince anymore. He’s a monster.

Technoblade didn’t notice how it got dark already and moonlight was somewhat lighting up his bedroom. He stood up to walk to the window, looking at the sky. He sighed loudly before closing the curtains and continuing staring at the mirror.  
Except then he looked this time he was back to being human again. His eyes widened as he grabbed himself to see if it’s real. And his clothes were back. Did Squid kid just curse him for one day? Well, it doesn’t matter, he needs to catch up in his potato numbers. He grabbed his hoe and a lantern but got interrupted by a loud banging on his door. He gulped, and peeked out of the curtains. There was a mob of townsfolk outside his door, holding forks and torches. Technoblade opened the door and peeked his head out, still hiding behind the door. The villagers smiled at him

“Thank goodness you’re safe, Technoblade. There’s a beast on the loose!” one of them said, waving his torch.

Oh…

“Y-yeah I saw it today going through my fields so I didn’t come out of my house” he lied

“Stay safe, we’re going to catch it” he said as the mob of people left his doorstep. 

Techno closed the door behind him, sighing heavily and slumped down to the floor, his knees close to his chest. If they ever find out it was him…

He looked through the window again, seeing zombies and skeletons roaming the land aimlessly. That’s why no one farms at night. And they don’t grow without sunlight. Great.

Techno stands up, puts out his lantern, puts hangs up his hoe on a wall and goes to hit the hay.

Next morning he wakes up, looks into the mirror and sees the beast.


	2. the swamp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade loves his swamp. Who dares to disturb his peace?

Mondays were no different from any other day to Technoblade. He didn’t understand why all the townsfolk were so grumpy, cranky and pissy about a day of a week, complaining to each other about waking up early again, having to continue with their regular old boring life. Maybe he didn’t understand their troubles because he was a living monster with no job to do. Yeah, that’s it.

Technoblade was again spending his late morning in his bedroom. The room was small and had a window on the right side of the bed, with a wooden closet never properly closed and had moss growing on the side, a stump for a bedside table with an unlit candle on top, a queen-sized bed with sheets made out of a material similar to a potato bag and walls made of a mixture of dirt, stone and wooden planks holding it up. He had a shelf directly above his bed where he kept his extra candles, some matches and a box with a crown inside. His closet had a bottom drawer where he kept his cotton beddings. 

The pig giant rested comfortably on his bed, not giving a care for the straw stems that would be stabbing a person. He was soaking up the sun rays from the window that had its beige curtains wide open. It felt so nice and the pig planned spending the rest of the day just lying on his bed.

Techno was humming a tune he overheard playing from a bard in a tavern when he was out scaring the townies. Something about being in love with a girl, but he doesn’t care enough to remember. All was calm until Technoblade heard a carriage pulling up and what sounds like a dozen horses neighing right outside his door. His eyes opened, a resting face turned sour from a frown. Who dares? He quickly raised from his bed only to hit his head against the shelf, making all of its contents fall, including the box that opened up and exposed his old crown. The pig cursed loudly, grabbing his head by the palm soothingly. He ignored the mess he made, stormed through the dining/living room to his front door and slammed it open.

The bright sun was blinding his vision but he still was able to see two men only a tad bit shorter than him covered in suits of armor from head to toe that reflected the light so good he couldn’t look at it for more than a few seconds, with spears in their hands and long swords to their hips. He looked up to their faces (well, where their faces should be but were covered by their helmets) and knew they were from the Fallen Kingdom. The feathers on their helmets were red and yellow and that’s what the Fallen Kingdom had. What do they want from him? 

There was a sudden trumpet sounds from which Techno flinched. He looked behind the knights, seeing the announcer with neck-length brown dressed in red and gold. After finishing whatever he just played with his trumpet, he pulls out a scroll from his shoulder bag that looked way too expensive for just being a messenger’s bag. The guy fake coughs to get everyone’s attention before opening the scroll and reading it out  
“Beast of this village! Your service is needed for the Majesty himself King Ca-“

“It’s alright, I’ll talk to them” a voice said that made the announcer turn to the fancy carriage with four chestnut colored stallions and the knights grip their spears even tighter and straighter their posture. The carriage rider rushed to open the carriage’s door but the man inside opened it himself, taking his time while getting out. A king got out of the carriage. The king of Fallen Kingdom. 

The king had his crown on, a crown covered in all the jewels Technoblade could think the name of and more than any other king had. His coat was deep red and lined with white fur what Techno could possibly think was from a polar bear far from the northern icy lands. It dragged across the ground swallowing the man’s body, subtly showing the king’s power over the land.

The king made his way to Technoblade’s doorstep and once CaptainSparkles stood in between the two knights Techno noticed how the king was lacking in height. Without his huge crown the man only reached to the knights’ shoulders. The pig chuckled, trying to hide his amusement. The knights were glaring the beast under their helmets.

“Good morning, pig of the swamp! I am in need of help and you’re the one I need. I heard the tales of your vicious strength and I need you on a quest” the king said, looking up to the pig.

Technoblade took a few seconds to process the situation he’s in before he looked at the king head to toe, glanced at the four horses that were still neighing and snorting before looking at the man with his uninterested eyes.

“No” he said simply, closing the door but a spear got into the way and he was forced to face his problem again.

“I want you to consider it, uh” the king stumbled on how to refer to the beast.

“Technoblade” he said, sighing.

“I want you to consider it, Technoblade! Also, CaptainSaprkles” the king, Captainsparkles, smiled genuinely and stretched out his hand for Technoblade to shake. Knowing that refusing would likely cause the knights’ wrath, he shook the kings hand.  
“Say, why don’t we talk this over inside?” 

Techno and the king of Fallen Kingdom sat at Technoblade’s dining table. The knights never left the kings side but at least now they weren’t blinding the pig with their reflective armor. Pretty sure the trumpet guy is still outside. The king nervously twiddling his thumbs, his eyes darting around his room and Techno heard comments like ‘ooh what an interesting candle holder! Where’d you get it?’ or ‘Did you inherit this place?’. After minutes of painful silence and Techno starting to get self-conscious about his home, he rested his elbow against the table with a thud, grabbing the king’s attention.

“I am listening”

“Right. I believe you have the idea of what I am asking. Ineedyoutojoinmeonaquesttotheabandonedcastlefarfarawaystandinginthemiddleofthelakeofmoltenrockandguardedbyafire-breathingdragon” CaptainSaprkles said everything quickly in a single moment.  
“What did you- “ Technoblade asked before he was interrupted by the king.

“I know it sounds bad but I really need the help and no human is strong enough” the king said, avoiding Techno’s eyes.

“Could you repeat what you said?” Technoblade asked again, this time he was not interrupted.

“I need to slay a dragon and save a princess from the tower and I need your help” CaptainSparkles said, slumping down against the table.

The pig’s eyes widened, his hands gripped on to his legs, knuckles turning white. The king surely didn’t have that tower in mind. It was hard for him to focus on where the king had gone to or what was saying to him. Techno tried thinking of another dragon and another tower but only one came to mind.

“Technoblade?” asked the king. Techno looked up, seeing that the man was now standing in front of his fire place, holding his wooden spoon.

“Why are you holding a spoon?” Technoblade asked himself only to realize he said that out loud. The king out the spoon down in its original spot, mumbling a small ‘sorry’. There was silence.

“About the offer I-“ 

“Don’t think I’d leave you without any payment! Anything you ask, Technoblade” the king said, still roaming his room. Techno saw how close the king was getting to his bedroom, where Techno had left the broken shelf lay on his bed with the small chest that had his crown wide open. Oh no.

Techno rushed to get to the door, closing the door and standing in front of the king, his arms pressed against the door. This sudden action from the pig caused the knights to raise their spears and Technoblade had two sharp spearheads dangerously close to his throat. He raised his hands automatically. After the king made sure that the pig wasn’t a threat, they retracted their weapons. Technoblade sighted, feeling safe. CaptainSparkles gave him a questioning look.

“I asked what would you like in return” the king repeated himself, his voice sounding sturdy and face serious. 

Technoblade felt cornered by the question (Also literally. He was against a wall). His eyes darted around the room, trying to find an answer. His eyes focused on the hoe that rested against the fireplace. Back when the hoe was still used and didn’t just collect dust.

“A farm” 

“A farm?” the king asked. He’d expected the pig would want something more valuable but who was he to understand.

“Alright then, Technoblade of the swamp, I’ll give you the biggest farm you had ever seen and never in your life you will need to worry about keeping your belly full. In exchange, you will help me defeat the dragon and save my future queen”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a crack taken very seriously that me and my friend made into an AU 
> 
> Sorry to all the CaptainSparklez fans i know he's too OOC
> 
> Do not expect regular uploads, I only write once in a blue moon :(


	3. the dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade and Captainsparkles discuss more on the quest they are both are soon about to start. But what do other nobles think about the king's choice of having a piglin beast as his second hand on his love adventure?

The king‘s dining room was way bigger and more prestige than Technoblade‘s ever was. The dining table was as long as his living room and had a silky embroidered tablecloth with the colors of red and gold. The carpet underneath was soft to touch, comfortable enough to sleep on. 

The entire room gave off signs of wealth. A room with ceiling as high as the one’s in churches, windows that started at the bottom reached the very top with curtains of deep red allowing the last rays of sunshine to shine through. A huge chandelier was hanging above the table, it’s candlelight making it feel like midday in what seems to be early evening. The walls were made of sturdy stone bricks which every single brick seeped the candle light in, making them almost glow from the warm light. The paintings on the walls were also nicely complimented by the chandelier’s light, the people in them seemed welcoming. It truly was a very homey feel.

There were a lot of people sitting, chatting along to each other. Servants were rushing back and forth from the kitchen to there, bringing out new dishes, alcohol and cleaning up for the nobility that were having a grand feast like they do every day. The women wore dresses that showed off their status, in colors never seen worn on a peasant and accessories made from gold and silver that looked especially good on their healthy and clean skin. The men had coats made from dark wool, lined with fur of a fox or some other animal. The nobility was all sitting across each other, talking about the wellness of the kingdom or how the next ball party will go. Everyone seemed to fit in, they didn’t stand out from each other. Except one.

Technoblade didn’t fit in. First of all, he was a half human half pig beast, sitting alongside the nobles of the Fallen Kingdom. Second of all, the people in this room lived in their fancy mansions not worrying about doing any manual labor while Technoblade lives in a swamp he found after having to leave his previous home and his dear potato farm. Third of all, no one gave anyone else as many death glares, stares and whispers as they gave them to him. He already knew he doesn’t fit in, why rub it in even more. And last of all, he was seated first to the right of the king, in the very front. The spot only the most trustworthy got to be in.

He sighed as he looked to his plate. Oysters. Not his favorite but can he do anyway? He took the napkin from the table, unfolding it and putting it on his lap. Next he took the smaller fork, detaching the meat from the shell and squeezing the lemon on it, making its juices drench the oyster. Bitter. He was about to pick up the oyster but he heard someone near him whisper,

‘I had no idea a beast would know proper etiquette’ 

Right. He’s a monster in their eyes. What kind of a monster knows how to use utensils and a napkin? Sucks for those nerds whose egos got hurt by him. He looks to his left, to the biggest of the room that showed the west. He saw the sun setting slowly in the distance, the buildings’ roofs’ merging with the horizon. His eyes move down from the window to meet with CaptainSaprkles’. Techno hopes the king doesn’t think he’s staring. They look at each other for what could be mere seconds before the king fake coughs, shifting his gaze to the other side.

“I’m glad you agreed to my request, Technoblade. Your service is important to the kingdom” the king says, grabbing everyone’s in the room attention. The chatter gets quieter as the servants continue on with their work.

“You would’ve put me in jail if I disagreed” Technoblade responded, taking the oyster and gulping it down. The diners fall about with laughter while the king looks to the pig with apologetic eyes. 

“I am still upset that you deemed my son unfit for your quest, your Highness. He is one of the best knights in the kingdom!” spoke a woman. She was a middle aged woman with brown hair that was in a French braid. She seemed to be from the council that helped the king rule the kingdom.

“Your son is a rising star but still has to prove himself in the trials to call himself a worthy knight. And I’m sure he has more important things to do than help old me with my love life” Captain said, trying not to offend the lady. She rolled her eyes and leaned back into her chair, not continuing to argue with the king.

The evening after that was going slowly. The diners were now on their third dish and while Technoblade could finish it no problem, he didn’t understand how the others could do as well. He was way taller and bigger than anyone else in the room, so how come the nobility didn’t feel stuffed by now? He drank away the talks of the nobles that continued for hours. He glanced at the window again, now seeing that the sun was barely visible, hiding behind the stone and wood structures with the silhouette of a lonely church tower. His eyes widened and he slammed the wine glass down, almost making it crack into chunks of glass.

“Can I head to the guestroom?” He said, looking at CaptainSparkles with pleading eyes. He barely has time. 

“But we’re only halfway through” the king looked up, still playing with his food. Technoblade mouthed out a ‘please’. The king shrugged before calling a servant and told her to show the guest where the guestroom is. The girl nodded and Techno stood up, following her out of the room, leaving the king alone with his people.

The room was somewhat medium sized but still bigger compared to his bedroom in his home. The double bed in the middle of the room was a bit larger than his regular one, a big but empty closet pushed to the wall, a small rug to the right side of the bed, two nightstands on both sides of the bed, a small writing desk that’s left to the bed with a potted plant on it and a mirror on a wall above it, a window with its grey curtains open, allowing Technoblade to see the furniture inside.

Once he was left alone Techno locked the door, found a box of matches and five or six candles in the first drawer of the desk. He placed the candle on a small plate on the wooden surface of the desk and lit the candle, making the room lighter. He took an another candle, lit it with the lit candle and placed it on the nightstand, making everything much more seeable. 

He walked to the window, gripped the grey fabric and pushed the curtains all the way open. There was barely any sunlight. He took a deep breath and saw himself slow and sparkle a bit before turning into a human. Good thing he’s in private now, it wouldn’t be very easy to explain his curse. Who knows, maybe they’d put him on the fire or something. At least when they know he’s a beast they’re too afraid…  
He slowly let go of the curtains, sat on the edge of his bed for a few moments before kicking his boots off and wrapping himself in the blanket, enjoying the softness of the sheets and the comfortableness of the duck feather pillow. There was a knock on the door.

“Good evening, Technoblade. I hope I am not disturbing you” it was CaptainSparkles’ voice. It was a bit muffled by him being outside of his room but Techno could still hear him clear enough. There was silence, as if the king was waiting for him to respond.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say if I haven’t already is that do not be afraid to ask anyone for anything. You’re my guest and I want you to feel welcome” the king continued. Techno called bullshit to people who said you can hear when a person is smiling but maybe they were right after all.

“I see you’re tired. Goodnight, Technoblade. Oh and also! We’re leaving tomorrow morning so be ready” He said and what Techno can figure out the king walked away from the door. 

Ugh. Techno hates mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno? Rich people eat oysters? Also they didn't use utensils in the miedeval times but no one cares. Idk Captainsparklez is the lord farquaad in this


	4. The tavern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the two set out on their journey! Where will they go? Who will they meet along the away? And how does Technoblade keep his curse hidden?

Waking up early is probably the least favorite thing Technoblade could do. But as it turns out, not everyone thinks like him. The person Techno has in mind is no other but the king himself, CaptainSparklez. The sun was barely showing its rays and the pig was still deep in his sleep but was interrupted by polite knocks that soon turned to loud bangs, causing Technoblade to open his eyes that seemed to be glued shut.

“Wake up, you pig!” a loud, clear voice yelled behind the door. 

Technoblade groaned and put his feet on the soft carpeted floor, rubbing his eyes with his now pig-like hands. The room was quite dark since the curtains were closed but Technoblade could still recognize it as the room from yesterday. It was still posh and tidy, but less now that it had to room a beast inside. Techno yawned and stretched his arms out, feeling unfamiliar in the body even though he got used to feeling like that in the mornings. He stood up and got dizzy for a second, grabbing hold of one of the nightstands that stood at each side of the bed and walked to open the door, frightening the maid from the night before. The frustration on her face soon turned into fear, seeing the size difference between her and the monster. 

“His Majesty is waiting for you, s-sir” she stuttered, holding her hands together and stared at him with her wide eyes, careful of any of his moves.

Techno sighed and walked past the woman. What mess had he gotten himself into? Helping a king to get a wife? And for what? He hopes that potato farm will be worth the trouble he got himself into…

“I will lead you to him!” she ran to catch up to the beast. They walked through many grand corridors, decked in reds and yellows, with the sunlight shining through freshly mopped colorful windows, lighting the room with all of the colors one could imagine. Every time they entered a new part of the kingdom he could smell a different flower. He took notice of how reoccurring the smell of sunflowers and roses was. Maybe the king’s favorite? There were other maids and workers as well, getting ready for the day. Some were opening the rest of the curtains, some mopping the hardwood floor, others placing flowers into vases. It was a peaceful sight. The view from the kingdom was also not bad: wheat fields with mills in the center, a glistening river and never ending forests in the horizon. How come he never saw this part of the kingdom?

“We’re almost there” she said. They were on the bottom floor now, passing through the kitchen where chefs were preparing breakfast for all the personnel and the high end people. The kitchens had a lot of cupboards and drawers for utensils and dishes and a big glazed terracotta furnace for all the baking. She walked past everyone, saying hi to other women who stared at them both with shock in their eyes. Probably never imagined seeing someone like him in there. The maid opened the door that lead to the stables. The smell of manure made the woman gag while the pig inhaled the smell. Yeah, this smells familiar. They slowed down and walked though fenced spaces that were designated for horses, her head moving left and right, looking for his Majesty. There were horses eating, drinking water or still sleeping. Technoblade could hear someone talking farther away. He and the maid sped up a bit and turned to the right, where his Majesty, CaptainSparklez, was brushing an all-black stallion, probably twice his size and stature. The king was without his oversized red cape and without his crown and instead wore a white shirt with rolled up sleeves and a vest over it, with brown loose pants that were tucked in to ankle length boots. He was feeding the animal an apple while brushing it and flattering it, calling him a good boy. His eyes lifted up and he noticed Technoblade and the maid standing a few meters away from him. His eyes lit up and he gave both of them a welcoming smile.

“Good morning, Technoblade! I hope I didn’t disrupt your sleep” he said and the maid huffed. He looked at the woman and nodded, allowing her to walk away to do the rest of her duties. The king returned to brushing the horse and the beast stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Does he come closer to him, ask about the weather or compliment his stallion?

“Did you sleep well?” Captainsparklez asked, finishing brushing his horse and putting the brush away in a drawer of a workbench. 

“Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever slept that comfortable in years” he said, coming closer to the king only to be neighed away by the black horse. The pig instantly backed away from the animal, his hands in the air.

“Spookly, calm down!” the king said, petting the horse down to calm down. The horse, Spookly, was breathing heavily and you could see the cold air leaving his two nostrils. Even the horse hates Technoblade. “He’s not usually like this, I don’t know what happened” Sparkles gave him an apologetic smile, still holding the stallion with his hands. Technoblade looked at both of them emotionlessly, knowing the reason the horse reacted the way it did. The king also knew.

“Anyway, we should get going. I have everything we need already on Spookly, let me get the saddle” he said, walking past the pig to the chest and started to digging around inside. 

“Spookly?”

“Well, he looks kind of spooky, don’t you think? With all of that black hair?” he said, laughing to himself. In Technoblade’s opinion, Terror suits it more than something as childish as Spookly. The king released a sound of excitement and pulled something forcefully out of the chest. In his hand’s was a brown saddle that he needed to put on the animal. He put it on Spookly, tying it and buckling it up on the stallion. The horse remained calm after years of training. It was no ordinary horse after all. 

“I wanted to give you a horse for the journey but they advised me not to so forgive me, Technoblade. Don’t worry, we’ll go slow” the king said, patting Spookly on the head, who licked his face while glaring at the pig. CaptainSparklez got on Spookly, looking as small as a child.

“Make sure you don’t get cold that high up” techno said, mocking his height. The king furrowed his eyebrows and pouted, murmuring a small ‘shut up’ under his breath. 

“You’re ready?”

“As ready as I can be”

Technoblade was not used to traveling so much. He preferred stability. He enjoyed his sedentary life in the swamp, he enjoyed scaring the townsfolk, how they warned their little ones about him, to not get close to his swamp. He liked the alone life and didn’t feel lonely. After all, why need anyone if even your family turned against you? 

Captainsparklez seemed to be the opposite of Technoblade. The man was a walking ball of sunshine and loved to explore, making many mistakes yet always laughing them off, often had big dinners with guests from all over the land and never walked away from a challenge. While the pig already wanted to go home, already wanted to be finished with the stupid task, his royal Majesty was shaking from excitement, telling the beast a story about villages, towns and kingdoms he had seen, the deep and dark forests, salty seashores and caves, deep underground with treasures left by kings’ way past his time. CaptainSparklez’s joy made Techno’s heart ache, making him feel lonely, which he hadn’t felt in a long long time. Had he missed out on that much? Could that had been him? 

It’s already past noon since the sun was slowly beginning to set. The two had traveled a big distance, through forests and plains, hills and rivers alike. Technoblade was amazed by the wilderness of the land, having his life spent either locked in his room, locked in a tower and his swamp. The plains had wild sheep and cows eating the grass greedily, he saw mushrooms the size of a tree in a forest with fairies, the snowy hills had goats on top of them and salmon was jumping in the rivers.  
“Look, Techno! A flower forest!” Captain pointed to the distance, where colors like blue, pink, red and yellow mixed together. It’s like your ordinary forest expect of tall trees there were beautiful flowers all over.

“And in the other direction there is a sign” Technoblade pointed out as well. He came here to help the king save a noble woman, not to watch him pick flowers. “We’re heading there” he said, already taking the step to the direction of the sign.  
“Since when do you command?” the king said but followed the pig suit. “When I thought with my head” he responded. “Whatever” the king mumbled to himself, gripping the leash tighter and leading Spookly. They got to the sign that had nearby towns’ locations written on it. They both squinted at the barely readable and moss covered sign, trying to figure out much do they have to walk for. 

“Farquaad, 6 kilometers away” Captain read out. They both sighed, knowing how more they would have to go for. Technoblade looked to the sun, it was close to setting, give or take two to three hours. “Well, we better get going” the pig said, wanting to make it to the village before the sun sets. They walked pass the sign, going by the small gravel path in the middle of a field with not as many flowers. The rest of their journey wasn’t as talkative.

“Do you think they’ll have a tavern?” Techno broke the long silence. They had been going for an hour now and not only the pig was worn out by all the walking and wanted a good night’s sleep, he also had a problem that he didn’t want the king to know about. CaptainSparklez looked at him. “I’m pretty sure there will be one” he said before getting his eyes on the path again. “Spookly is a strong one but even he needs a good rest” he said, scratching the behind of his ear. “And a good brush” He added.

“There, I see it!” Techno said and the both men focused on the view in front of them. A small town in the horizon, getting closer and closer with each step. They made it in time, and from what could the pig see was a tavern! “Let’s go then” Captain sighed and smiled and they both went to the town. 

The town was nothing out of the ordinary, simple wood and cobblestone buildings, a small church, a blacksmith, a bakery, single-story houses and tavern where they can get a warm meal and rooms to rest in. They were both starving from the exhausting journey and couldn’t wait to get inside. Once they reached the entrance of the tavern, CaptainSparklez got of Spookly and tied him to the fence post, making sure his horse has oats to eat and water to refresh itself before they can go inside. He murmured ‘I’ll brush you later don’t worry’ to the horse and they both entered the tavern.

The inside of the building wasn’t particularly busy, there travelers like them near the bar drinking or playing cards, waitresses collecting the dishes or cleaning the tables. Meaning the lack of people brought a lot of people’s attention to them. The waitresses stared at the pig with fear in their eyes before continuing on their job and mean-looking men eyed down both of them with every step they made to the bar, where the woman who owned the place stood, taking orders. 

“What can I get for you” she said cautiously. The king smiled at her and passed her a generous amount of coins, asking for warm meals and two rooms. The woman’s eyes widened at the sum of the money and she gave smiled at him with her crooked teeth. She seemed to ignore the pig’s presence. 

It did not take long for them to receive their food and they sat on the long, cafeteria like table. There was a young man and a woman on the opposite side as well. Captain was talking to Technoblade about where they were heading tomorrow and pulled out a big map form his bag, pointing at the possible routes to the castle in the middle of a lava cake and Techno could feel his stomach sinking. Right, he also has that problem to deal with too. The king’s eyes wandered to the couple sitting at the same table as well and noticed lute near the guy’s side.

“Hey, excuse me?” Captain said, looking at the man. The guy turned to the voice. He was of tall build, had brown, curly hair that covered his forehead, round glasses and wore brown coat.   
“Yes?” he responded with an accent, a confused look on his face. 

“Are you a maybe a bard?” CaptainSparklez asked and by seeing how the man smiled, he was correct. The man nodded. “I really miss music of the common folk. What could I do to have your entertainment?” the king said, sliding closer to the man’s side. “A coin keeps us going” he said, looking at the blond girl across the table. Captain nodded and the couple stood up, the man picked up his lute and they went to the small stage. Captain returned to his seat. “Do you like music, Techno?” he asked, looking at the pig. Technoblade remembered the time he smashed his violin. “Only listening” he responded.

The bards gave each other a look before the man counted a ‘one, two, three, four’ and started playing a melancholic and a longing melody. His fingers moved swiftly across the fretboard, going from position to position, chords changing. 

“The cute bomber jacket you've had since sixth form  
Adorned with patches of places you've been”

The girl sang alongside him.

“Is nothing on my khaki coat I got  
From a roadside when I was sixteen  
My boots are from harbors  
My backpack's from friends  
I'm not a man of substance, and so I'll pretend  
To be a wanderer, wondering  
Leaving ascetic belongings in hostels and restaurant bins”

He continued playing the sad melody, a melody that fit in the background of the tavern, unnoticed by a lot.

“The roads are my home, horizon's my target  
If I keep on moving, never lose sight of it”

Her melodic voice gave the song a wrong feeling. A song about a nomad shouldn’t have this sweet angel in it.

“Treating my memory of you like a fire, let it  
Burn out, don't fight it, and try to move on  
It's been sixty weeks since I saw Vienna  
A bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face  
I'll pick up my hiking boots when I am ready  
And I'll put down my roots when I'm dead”

The tavern seemed to get quieter. He stopped playing the melody, only a single note at a time.

“The distance is futile  
Come on, don't be hasty  
You'll get that feeling deep inside your bones  
I'll be gone then, for when you must be alone”

He continued playing the same melody, a melody that faded into reality.

One or two travelers passed a coin to the bard for the relatable song and Captain did the same. The couple said their humble thanks and walked back to the spot they were sitting at. The king smiled at them both.

“I really enjoyed it, what are your names?” he asked them.

“I am Wilbur. Wilbur Soot.” He said, shaking Captain’s hand.

“And I’m Niki. Nice to meet you” She gave them a warm smile.

“My name is Sparkles and this is my friend, Technoblade” He said and Techno looked at them both, as if he was zoned out for the past five minutes. 

“You here, man?” The guy, Wilbur, laughed slightly while the pig got red from the social interaction. “Anyway, where are you two going?” Wilbur asked while he put his instrument in its case. Techno and Captain looked at each other. “On a very noble journey” Captain said while the pig sighed and rubbed his temples. Wilbur and Niki looked at them with a raised brow but went along with it. 

There was a yell and a crash in the background. Some drunk man was shouting profanities to another drunk man. Wilbur groaned, rolling his eyes. “It was a pleasure to play for you, Mr. Sparkles, but I think it’s time for us to head off to bed. We have to reach Fallen Kingdom by tomorrow, right Niki?” he said, putting the lute on his shoulder. Niki nodded, standing up and following her fellow bard upstairs, where the bedrooms were. But the bard’s passive way of getting out of any unnecessary trouble failed when the drunk man shouted at them. “Where are you two going, jesters?!” the man said, having a hard time to walk through the tables and the chairs. Wilbur breathed in and glared at the drunk old man. “Don’t get your nose where it doesn’t belong, drunkard” he said coldly, not taking eyes away from the pathetic man. Niki furrowed her brows and held the hem of her dress for comfort. 

Technoblade and Captain noticed the unfavorable situation their new-made were in. The pig decided to use his size and looks for a good deed and help the couple of bards out. He stood up, taller than anyone in the room.

“Better back off now, nerd” he said in his deep voice, looking down at the man. He saw how he trembled a bit and gulped down the saliva that was spilling from his mouth. Yet the man didn’t take pig’s offer. “How did they let it this beast inside?” He said, looking for approval from the others. Yet none wanted to mess with Technoblade, a pig taller than the tallest man and twice as strong as a knight. Techno growled, his fangs poking out more and looking more dangerous than ever before. He grabbed the man by the collar and by the pants and carried the drunkard to the door, throwing him out on the hard cobblestone path. His eyes and teeth scared the other customers so much they were left frozen and no one dared to upset the beast. Techno dusted himself off and turned away from the door and saw everyone’s scared eyes, watching his every move with fear. Wilbur gave Niki a small push and they quickly walked up the stairs to their rooms. Captain was also agape at what Technoblade was capable of but quickly got out of it, picked up all of their stuff, asked the lady for their rooms and they made it upstairs with no words said. Only when Techno wasn’t in sight the tavern got lively again.

Captain nodded and mouthed a ‘goodnight’ and disappeared in to his room with Techno doing the same. He made sure to lock the door before collapsing on the floor after what he had done. He was a monster, he made everyone scared, no matter how friendly he was they’d still be afraid of him. He felt himself turn human but he couldn’t care less. He crawled onto the hard bed and shut his eyes, falling asleep instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think CaptainSparklez calls himself spookly or something like that when he plays among us so I copied that.   
> I am bad with naming things so yes I named a town Farquaad font @ me  
> Wilbur plays a song called "Since I saw Vienna", his original song :) (I changed airport to harbor for at least some historical accuracy)  
> I wrote Niki's and Wilbur's relationship as platonic, imply it however you want  
> I don't know how to write music  
> or conflict
> 
> Why do I always write everything at night


End file.
